


don’t speak

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:59:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: i swear i ran my throat raw from yelling “stop fucking stop” and he wouldn’t





	don’t speak

he was my friend

i was newly twenty-two and i think it was march, i can’t really remember

he had this thing, i loved it, he’d make you forget that anyone else existed, and it sounds stupid but he had this intent to him, this really specific focus, and he’d make you forget

we were at my place, it was a sunny afternoon, the weather was warm and i remember he was asking me about borrowing one of my tapes

i was kind of in the process of tidying up my place, it was a fuckn mess– i mean, shit everywhere, there was this pile of laundry i had to fold on the end of my bed, and he was sitting there next to it watching me with those fucking eyes like, i dunno

i was saying something, and i came over to the bed cos i was gonna start on my laundry and he pulled me down around my waist kind of out of nowhere and it wasn’t, it’s not like that was weird so i pushed at him and i was laughing cos i thought ‘oh it’s just a, uhh a dumb joke, whatever’

except i go to move away and he’s got his hand around my waist and i’m like “dude stop” but he doesn’t let go and it goes from ‘oh whatever’ to ‘fuck this’ cos i gotta do my fuckn laundry, he’s like “i have something to tell you”

i go “what”

he says “i’ve always really liked you, like a lot”

so i’m like “okay” like, yeah whatever we’re friends i like you too

and his arm is still around me and he’s pulling me into his side and i’m like “can you let go” and he says “no”

it was a fucking, i don’t really know, it was like the guy i knew wasn’t_wasn’t him anymore, so he pulls me into a hug and i remember thinking how weird that was like, ‘whats happening?’

and then i felt his hand slide down my back to my thigh and i was like ‘fuck no, no thank you’ i said “what’s goin on” and he kinda tenses up and stopped, and he looked up right into my face all serious, he says “i’m gonna fuck you”

he, he flipped me over, my face was actually buried in my laundry, and his hands came to back, he started taking my clothes off and i just let it happen, i was a little winded from being forced to breathe fucking fabric softener and i just kind of accepted that that’s what was going to happen

he said, “i’m gonna fuck you” and i thought ‘okay’ 

he was hard pretty much right away, i could feel his dick against my back and i wanted to puke, i think i did gag or shudder or react because the next thing he did was hit me really hard on my back and he didn’t say anything

he jerked himself off above me and finally forced himself in, i think i screamed, he yelled back at me, no words just noise just “ahhhhhhh” in this angry voice, it was like there was this thing behind me and it was so intent on destroying me by literally ripping through me by blunt force, except it kept hitting a wall so it would go back to the start and try all over again and each time it took a little piece with it until it finished and there was nothing left

i struggled as much as a i could have, he held me down, he held my head face down into the laundry and i was sweating fighting against him while he fucking tore into me i was suffocated, he didn’t hold my throat but he didn’t have to i think i cried for the first time in my adult life

i’d never experienced death or trauma or grief and all at once it felt like shit, this is where i die 

i swear i ran my throat raw from yelling “stop fucking stop” and he wouldn’t, it was like he couldn’t like he’d started and he had to finish and it so fucking– he kept petting me where he hit me and whispering “god i’m so sorry” but then he’d turn around again and yell at me to shut up i don’t know if he was, if he felt like this was the only way to get what he wanted or he didn’t know why he was doing it 

at some point, he flipped me over again onto my back and slipped out but he wasn’t done, he started ramming himself into my leg, like the socket or something- fucking weird, and he had his hand on me still gripping tight like i was trying to get away but i stopped again, it was the same feeling when he started i couldn’t bring myself to fucking move

he came on me and then he fell on top of me and stayed there forever, and then he got up and he didn’t look at me or say anything, he just pulled his pants up and left, he slammed the door on his way out

i couldn’t breath

i wanted to scream but i couldn’t speak, i wanted to cry but i couldn’t move, there wasn’t- isn’t - anything to describe how equally overwhelmed you are with emotions and numbness which is so fucking stupid, there’s no way to describe it that isn’t fucking dumb but i just, 

it’s like-it’s like waking up from a suicide attempt, there’s no good


End file.
